When sex stalls in a relationship, it can feel like a weight that both partners are carrying.
The natural spark that once existed between them may have dulled under the pressures of
daily life—stress, parenting, work, or simply the monotony that creeps in over time.
However, when a relationship hits a dry spell in terms of intimacy, it doesn’t have to spell
the end of the road. In fact, many couples find that introducing new elements—such as sex
toys, role-play, or other creative ideas—can breathe new life into their sex life, reigniting
passion and helping them rediscover each other in a fresh, exciting way.
But the prospect of adding toys or changing sexual dynamics can feel intimidating or
uncomfortable for some. Is it okay to use toys in a relationship? Will it change the
intimacy between partners in a negative way? How can we embrace the idea of spicing
things up without feeling awkward or insecure?
In this expanded section, let’s delve deeper into how the introduction of toys, novelty, and
other techniques can help revitalize intimacy and make sex feel fresh, exciting, and
meaningful once again.
Why Toys and Novelty Can Revive Passion
- Breaking the Routine: The Importance of Novelty
As humans, we are wired to enjoy novelty. Our brains are attracted to newness—especially
when it comes to sex. Novel experiences can help reawaken excitement and provide a jolt
of dopamine, the chemical in the brain that regulates pleasure. When sex becomes
routine, it can feel mechanical, and passion may start to fade.
Introducing sex toys or experimenting with different activities can provide that rush of
novelty, sparking renewed excitement and passion. Research supports this: a study
published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that couples who incorporated novelty
into their sex life—whether through role-playing, using toys, or exploring new positions—
reported higher levels of satisfaction and intimacy. The key is to move away from the “same
old, same old” and create new, stimulating experiences that re-establish the emotional
and physical connection between partners. - Boosting Communication and Comfort in the Relationship
Using toys and other playful activities isn’t just about enhancing physical pleasure—it can
also help partners communicate better and reconnect emotionally. Introducing something new can serve as a non-threatening way to open the lines of communication about desires and boundaries. This process often leads to deeper conversations about what each partner enjoys and values in the relationship. As awkward as it may feel at first, it can also be deeply bonding. According to sex expert Dr. Laura Berman, “Using toys and other props in the bedroom can be a great way to engage in healthy conversations about sex and desires. It forces couples to break out of their comfort zones and talk openly about what excites them, what works, and what doesn’t.”
Many people feel that toys are only meant for individuals who are single or in long-
distance relationships, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Couples can benefit
immensely from introducing toys into their dynamic, as it’s a shared experience that can
bring a new level of intimacy and pleasure that didn’t exist before.
Types of Toys to Reignite the Spark
When it comes to toys, there’s no one-size-fits-all. Each couple is different, and so is each
individual’s sexual preferences. Here are a few types of toys and ideas that can be used to
enhance intimacy and spice things up:
- Vibrators
Vibrators are among the most commonly used and versatile toys. Whether it’s a clitoral
vibrator, a rabbit vibrator, or a couples’ vibrator that stimulates both partners, vibrators
can add intense sensations to a sexual experience. For couples, using a vibrator together
can be a way to share intimacy while introducing a new level of pleasure.
Tip: Mutual Exploration – Start by exploring what feels good for both of you. You can use a
vibrator on yourself first to discover how you like it, then share that knowledge with your
partner. Vibrators can also be used during foreplay or penetration, increasing pleasure for
both partners. - BDSM and Bondage Gear
For couples seeking a bit of excitement and adventure, BDSM (Bondage, Discipline,
Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism) toys—like blindfolds, restraints, whips,
and sensory play tools—can help tap into new dimensions of power play and vulnerability.
Many couples report that exploring the dynamics of dominance and submission adds an
emotional connection that heightens sexual experiences.
Tip: Slow Exploration – If BDSM is new territory, start slow. A simple blindfold or restraint
set can help increase anticipation and arousal. Set clear boundaries, and make sure to
communicate openly during the process. Establishing a safe word ensures that both
partners feel safe and can enjoy the experience.
- Lingerie and Costumes
While not technically a “toy,” lingerie and costumes can serve as powerful props that
evoke confidence and excitement. Wearing something that makes you feel sexy or
embodying a new character can add an element of role-play to the mix, giving you the
freedom to step out of your usual roles and explore new fantasies.
Tip: Transformative Power – Sometimes, all it takes is a lingerie set or a fun costume to
make one partner feel more desirable. If you’ve always been hesitant about lingerie, try
starting with something simple that makes you feel comfortable yet seductive. - Kegel Balls and Pelvic Health Devices
While not traditionally associated with “spicing things up,” kegel balls or pelvic health
devices can have a profound effect on a woman’s sexual pleasure and confidence. These
devices, designed to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, not only promote better sexual
health but can also increase sensation and pleasure during intercourse.
Tip: Combine Health and Pleasure – If you’re looking for a way to improve your physical
health and enhance your sexual pleasure, consider integrating pelvic floor exercises into
your routine. This doesn’t just have to be about strengthening muscles—it’s about building
a stronger connection with your body.
How to Bring the Spark Back: Beyond Toys
Sex toys are just one piece of the puzzle. There are plenty of other ways couples can
reconnect and revitalize their sex life, without necessarily reaching for toys or props. Here
are some additional strategies for reigniting intimacy:
- Schedule Intimacy (and Make It Special)
In busy relationships, especially with young children or demanding jobs, intimacy may fall
by the wayside. Sometimes the best way to get back on track is to schedule it—but with a
twist. Instead of just saying, “Let’s have sex tonight,” create an experience. Plan a special
date night, dress up, light candles, or take a warm bath together. Create an atmosphere
that encourages connection and intimacy.
Tip: Set the Scene – Try a romantic evening where you both turn off your phones and focus
on each other. Creating an intentional space where intimacy can happen without
distractions can go a long way in reigniting desire.
- Explore Fantasy Play and Role-Playing
Fantasies can be an important part of sexual intimacy, and bringing them to life
through role-playing can be both fun and liberating. Explore different scenarios where you
and your partner can switch up your usual dynamics. Maybe it’s acting out a fantasy you’ve
both shared, or perhaps it’s pretending to meet each other for the first time.
Tip: Get Playful – Pick a theme you both find exciting, whether it’s a teacher/student
scenario, a boss/employee dynamic, or even a simple doctor/patient role-play. Start slow
and communicate throughout, ensuring that both partners are comfortable. - Create Space for Vulnerability
Emotional vulnerability plays a huge role in intimacy. Often, when the physical connection
falters, it’s because one or both partners feel emotionally distant. Take the time to connect
on a deeper level by sharing your innermost thoughts, fears, and desires. It’s not just
about talking about sex—it’s about being open to one another emotionally. When partners
feel secure in their emotional connection, the physical bond is more likely to follow.
Rebuilding Intimacy Together
When sex stalls in a relationship, it can feel like a major disconnect. However, the process
of reigniting the spark doesn’t have to be intimidating or awkward. Whether through the
introduction of sex toys, role-playing, or simply making time for each other emotionally,
couples can reignite passion and rebuild intimacy from a foundation of trust,
communication, and mutual desire.
The key is to take the pressure off, enjoy the process, and approach it with an open mind
and heart. Intimacy is about more than just the physical act of sex—it’s about
reconnecting, communicating, and rediscovering what made you fall in love with each
other in the first place.
Leave a Reply